


Panic Room

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Cussing, Domestic Avengers, F/M, Fluff, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Grounding techniques, M/M, Metal Illness, No Smut, Oneshot, Romance, Slight swearing, Soft Bucky, Soft reader, Songfic, Sweet, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, cursing, mention of depression, mentions of self harm, reader has anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-03 23:24:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16335215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Songfic of Panic Room by Au/Ra.Reader has anxiety, and Bucky has nightmares. Bucky and Reader become eachother's support, and fall in love along the way.





	Panic Room

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song 'Panic Room' by Au/Ra. I've been obsessed with it lately. as a person who has depression and anxiety, i just wanted a one shot where bucky is super soft and helps reader with anxiety, with no smut, just pure cuteness. then i realised 'oi look i can write an idea!!' so here we are
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of self-harm, Depression, Anxiety, Swearing (There's like, 1 F-bomb)
> 
> Also up on my tumblr <3 https://www.tumblr.com/blog/starplex-stories

//Welcome to the...  
Welcome to the…  
Welcome to the…  
Welcome to the…\\\ 

Anxiety was the literal bane of your existence. Despite being part of the Avengers, a very public, brave job, you were riddled with fear and insecurities to the point you could barely function. Talking to the others on the team was a struggle, interacting with media exhausted you, and you couldn’t ask for help in case you were bothering people. It was awful. Merely getting up and doing things was a huge toll on your mind.

//Hell raising, hair raising  
I'm ready for the worst  
So frightening, face whitening  
Fear that you can't reverse\\\ 

The dark or loud noises made you bristle, sudden contact made you flinch, harsh words made you cry, being ignored even more so. Your face was always paler than usual due to your constant state of fear.

The other Avengers knew of your disorder. Thor went out of his way to speak more softly around you, knowing he’d scare you if he talked as loudly as he normally did, and Clint didn’t sneak around in the vents around you. Natasha, used to treading quietly, made enough noise to alert you that she was there. Tony and Bruce, both anxiety patients themselves, supplied with tips and tricks, and medicines when they could. Steve educated himself in ways to help you if you began to panic. Vision would give you teas or herbs that could soothe you, like lavender pouches he made with Wanda. Sam helped you with breathing techniques. You appreciated it deeply, but it didn’t stop the hair-raising fears that followed you. 

The only person you trusted was Bucky.

//My phone has no signal  
It's making my skin crawl  
The silence is so loud\\\ 

//The lights spark and flicker  
With monsters much bigger  
Than I can control now\\\ 

You’d only been with the Avengers a few months when he arrived, and by then the others had picked up on your illness. You had avoided meeting him, social anxiety making you unable to drag yourself out to talk to him. Wanda visited you, telling you that Bucky knew of your anxiety, and he wasn’t mad you hadn’t met him. You thanked her and asked her to thank Bucky for you too.

That night, at two in the morning, you’d woken up in a cold sweat, dreaming of everything you feared, people dying around you, death and darkness and constant screaming and internalised thoughts of self-hate and imperfections. You used your sleeve to wipe your eyes, the material soaking up your tears. You tried to check your phone. No signal. That gave you an instant anxiety spike. Deciding to drink some of the newest tea Vis had gotten you, you hopped out of bed. “FRIDAY? Please tun on the lights on the way to the kitchen, but not too bright, if that’s okay. I don’t want to wake up anyone.”

“Certainly, ___.”

The walls were perfect. No blemishes. ‘Unlike me,’ you couldn’t help but think as your fingers trailed along the smooth paint. You reached the kitchen, and instantly busied yourself. Anything for a distraction. You finished within five minutes. The calm of the night would ease you if your skin wasn’t crawling with the feeling something bad was going to happen. 

The lights flickered, you noticed a figure in the doorway, and you dropped your mug. You slid down the counter until your knees were against your chest, arms wrapped around you as your heart beat irregularly. You could feel tears forming as you clawed at your arms. ‘I’m going to die, I’m going to die, I’m going to- ‘

“Are you ___?” Your head whipped up to meet the person’s eyes, before nodding jerkily. It was Bucky, you’d seen a picture. His steely eyes were concerned, his brown drawn up, lips in a hard line. His brown shoulder length hair was messy, as if he’d just gotten up. He was wearing a black long sleeve shirt, and grey sweatpants, and the lights reflected off his left hand. Bucky crouched in front of you slowly, but not touching you. “Hey, I heard about your anxiety from the others. Do you mind telling me five things you can see?” His voice was soft, like talking to a hurt puppy. He was using Steve’s most effective method of grounding you.

“I can… I can see my favourite mug is shattered, and, and I can see the spoon I left on the counter. I can see I’m um, wearing a hoodie, and it’s green, and I can see the white walls… and the lights reflecting off your hand…” You mumbled, left hand shaking violently, eyes darting around everywhere as you pointed. 

He gave you a weak smile. “That’s great, doll. What about four things you can touch?” He carefully moved his flesh hand, so it could hold your shaky one.

You closed your eyes. “The cold tiles, and the hard counter behind me,” you said, free hand playing gently with a string fraying on the knees of your pants. “I can touch this stupid string, and, and you.”

“You’re doing wonderfully, can you give me three things you can hear?”

“My breathing, your voice, and the whirring of machinery in the walls.”

He squeezed your hand. “Two things you can smell, almost there, doll.”

“The smell of tea, and the herbal pouch I keep in my pocket.”

“One thing you can taste.”

“Sugar. I didn’t stir my tea enough, so there was some left in the bottom of the cup. I drank it anyway, I don’t want to waste things,” you explained with a steadier voice.

He smiled at you charmingly, before helping you to your feet. “I’ll clean up this mess, and then maybe we can actually have a proper introduction. You okay with that?” 

“Yeah, sure, I’m sorry for bothering you Sergeant Barnes, and not meeting you sooner, it’s just hard,” You apologised. He waved you off politely, scraping the ceramic shards into the bin with a dustpan.

“I understand. And please, call me Bucky.”

//Welcome to the panic room  
Where all your darkest fears are gonna  
Come for you, come for you\\\ 

//Welcome to the panic room  
You'll know I wasn't joking  
When you see them too, see them too\\\ 

//Welcome to the panic room  
Welcome to the…  
Welcome to the…  
Welcome to the…  
Welcome to the…\\\ 

 

Bucky quickly became your favourite person. He was safe, and kind, and understanding. He was security, something you didn’t have much of in your mind. Whenever you’d freak out, you’d go to his room. Your own room was the panic room, where anything could hurt you, where all your dark fears lurked. 

But to Bucky, his room was the panic room. 

Around six months after you’d met Bucky, you’d been woken up by a dishevelled Steve. You freaked out, but his sad eyes made you worried for him, not of him. “He’s having a nightmare again,” he explained. His nightmares were common, but Bucky had warned you, clear as crystal, he might hurt you in a nightmare, so you had to stay away. You’d complied, but never liked it. Especially when he helped you from yours. 

Steve ran a hand through his hair, before sighing. “Bucky’s calling your name in his sleep. He won’t wake up for me. Please, help him, I don’t know what to do.” It hurt to see the nation’s hero begging like this. It hurt to know Bucky was suffering.

You got up placing a gentle hand on Steve’s shoulder. “I’ll do my best.”

//Still waiting, hands shaking  
Maybe the coast will clear  
But these voices, these strange noises  
They followed me in here\\\ 

You slowly entered his room, whispering his name. “Bucky? Bucky, it’s me, ___. Please wake up.” He was thrashing, face screwed up in pain, tears leaking from his eyes. Carefully, you cupped his face and sat next to him on the bed. His flailing slowed, and stopped, but his hands clawed at the sheets, ripping holes in Tony’s expensive imported cotton. 

“Please don’t hurt ___, anything but that, take anything you want from me but please, ___ hasn’t done anything, please, please, please…” Bucky’s voice cracked, his tears flowing more steadily now. You put the pieces together, and moved one your hands to his flesh one, holding it, and squeezing it. His eyes flew open and he sat up so quickly he almost hit you. “___, you’re okay. Are you okay? Hydra didn’t hurt you?” He sounded so sad at the last part, as if the very thought of Hydra getting to you would break his heart. 

“I’m here Bucky, I’m here. Nobody’s getting to me.”

“Please stay, I need to know you’re here…”

“I will.” The both of you lay down on his bed, and after a few moments of awkward rearranging, the pair of you faced each other, and he draped his vibranium arm over your waist gently. You shared a bed from then on.

//My phone has no signal  
It's making my skin crawl  
The silence is so loud\\\ 

//The lights spark and flicker  
With monsters much bigger  
Than I can control now\\\ 

The tower was in the middle of a huge storm, and the lights went out. You and Bucky blindly fumbled around for each other, before collapsing into each other and holding each other until it passed. The silhouettes of the others with flashlights and candles freaked you out, and you buried your head into Bucky’s shoulder. You started crying, and he let you, telling you that the tears would just come out in the wash. The crawling feeling seemed to disappear whenever he was around. But of course, your monsters and demons wouldn’t let you go so easily.

//Welcome to the panic room  
Where all your darkest fears are gonna  
Come for you, come for you\\\ 

//Welcome to the panic room  
You'll know I wasn't joking  
When you see them too, see them too  
Welcome to the panic room\\\ 

//Welcome to the…  
Welcome to the…\\\ 

The anxiety was almost killing you now. The latest mission had gone wrong, and the lives of a dozen adults and children had been lost. Your communicator had been EMP’d and taken out of action, so you couldn’t get to them in time. The team told you it wasn’t your fault. The media blamed you in full. They tore you apart, claiming you were a fake hero who deserved to rot on the Raft for your failure. 

You isolated yourself, never leaving your room. You didn’t eat, you didn’t sleep beyond a few hours, you only managed to shower twice in the ten days you locked yourself away. Avengers would come and go outside your door. Natasha and Clint begged you to come to movie night, and Steve asked if you were eating. You didn’t answer anyone. Tony came by to try and talk you out. He failed. Bruce and Sam tried as well, all of them failing. Wanda seemed to read your mind, like you she had been dragged for something that wasn’t her fault, and she must’ve kept Vision from drifting through your walls. Thor told you stores through the door, of his brother and their Asgardian adventures. You answered no one.

Bucky came by, speaking softly and explaining everyone missed you, nobody blamed you, that he knew what you were going through. You told him you weren’t ready to come out. He said he understood, and you sat, backs to the same door, talking through the metal well past midnight. 

//There's no crying wolves now  
'Cause the truth has settled in  
Hiding under goose down  
For your nightmare to begin\\\ 

//There's no crying wolves now  
'Cause the truth has settled in  
Hiding under goose down  
For your nightmare to begin\\\ 

You didn’t come out of your room for sixteen days. It was only after Bucky heard you crying in your sleep for the sixth time that week and he busted down the door (much to Tony’s annoyance), that you left your room. Bucky’s could feel his heart break as he saw the red lines marring your thighs and shoulders, and he held you in a hug until you both feel asleep. Your anxiety and recent mistake had led to a depression relapse, something you thought you’d’ dealt with years ago. You hated yourself, you felt like you were just crying for attention. 

Truthfully, you just wanted to please everyone, but no matter how hard you tried, you just weren’t good enough. Your monsters were back full force, settled underneath the expensive feather pillows, waiting for you to mess up again.

You didn’t feel as bad around Bucky. Bucky was a guardian angel, doing his best to help you. He told you stories of skinny Steve as he cleaned your wounds and made sure you ate something. You felt your heart pound irregularly. It did that a lot around Bucky. You knew it wasn’t fear, rather, it was love. 

_Welcome to the panic room_  
Where all your darkest fears are gonna  
Come for you, come for you\\\ 

__

//Welcome to the panic room  
You'll know I wasn't joking  
When you see them too, see them too\\\ 

 

You knew it a year and a half after you’d first met, that you’d fallen in love with the man who grounded you. Who you cuddled with to make sure if one of you had a night terror, the other would be right there. Who stood by you. Who busted down a door out of wanting to help you. Who made you tea when you were too shaky to. Who told you dumb jokes to get your mind off of things. Who got the snacks ready when you settled in for a movie. Who sent you blurry pictures with cute captions with typos because he couldn’t use his phone properly. Who understood you.

But you couldn’t act on it. How could you? What if you were just really close friends? Romance was never your thing, so how could you do it right when you didn’t know how.

You were saved from acting on it, because Bucky did it for you.

It was another late night, you’d had an anxiety spike that lasted a good three hours and Bucky had stayed up with you to make sure you didn’t have an attack. Your heart swelled as he smiled at you from the kitchen counter. He sat watching you as you made tea for the both of you. Bucky wasn’t a tea person originally, but you converted him, something you were proud of. You felt better, until you mixed up Bucky’s and yours, and put two sugars in his and three in yours with milk, instead of two in yours with milk. You sighed and scratched nervously at your arm when you realised. When Bucky gave you a quizzical look, you broke. 

“I can’t even remember your tea preference. I don’t know why you hang around me, I’m so fucking useless and I just, can’t, can’t do anything right and I’m so stupid, and I… I’m sorry…” You explained, tears pooling in your eyes, blurring your vision.

“Oh, ___, you’re perfect the way you are, I don’t mind you messed it up. C’mere doll.” Bucky opened his arms and embraced you. “It hurts me so much to know you think so lowly of yourself. I think the world of you, y’know? You’re amazing,” he said, his beautiful eyes creasing at the corners as he smiled at you. 

Bucky pressed his lips to your forehead, which wasn’t uncommon for him to do. Then he kissed your nose, cheeks and jaw. “I really need to say something. I understand if you don’t want it but… I really like you, ___. In the romantic way. Have ever since I met you,” he said, his grin crooked. “I didn’t know that I’d fall for you when I first helped you ground. But I did, I fell so hard and, god, I adore you…” he trailed off, not meeting your eyes. 

You frowned. It was like he expected you to reject him. “Hey, Bucky, I need to tell you something too. I uh, I like you romantically a lot too,” You said, giving him an awkward smile of your own. “I wanna be yours, Buck.”

Bucky lit up, wrapping you in a huge hug, peppering your face with face again. He looked down at your lips, and then met your eyes. “Can I kiss you properly?” He asked softly, resting his forehead against yours. You nodded, words failing you as his lips pressed onto yours gently. You kissed back, chaste and sweet and unsure against his surprisingly soft lips. He broke away after a short time, a dopey look on his face.

“Woah. I’ve been waiting to do that for so long now. Are you mine now?”

“Already was, Buck. Are you mine?”

“Absolutely. You have all of me, doll.”

“So, I can call you my boyfriend?”

“I’d love that.”

//Hell raising, hair raising  
I'm ready for the worst\\\ 

Your anxiety still made trouble. Bucky’s demons still made trouble. But even as your world raised hell, you were ready for the worst with him.

**Author's Note:**

> bucky makes my heart go uwu
> 
> This is my first oneshot, lemme know how i did and what you wanna see next!!


End file.
